The other day, an old friend and I sat down for a chat that lasted at least two hours. So, we were catching up and the the topic of relationships came to surface. She’s been single for a couple of months, but most recently she’s been crushing on a guy she met during her college years. Here’s where the story gets interesting: they are both currently living in different cities. How did it happen? Social media. Oh, it gets better… they are not even connected on social media. What? She saw him on another friend’s Facebook feed. They’ve never been friends, more like acquaintances. Personally, I think it’s hilarious how social media has enabled us to “stalk” others.
As the conversation progressed, we came to the realization that certain scenarios are just not realistic. I don’t know if it’s called “fate” but sometimes, there are certain things that need to be done in a very specific window of time. Old crushes in this case, are like a double-edged sword. On one hand, they give us a sweet sense of “being alive” as our hearts skip a beat when we see or think about that person. But on the other hand, they also leave us with a bittersweet taste, as we wonder why we aren’t with that person. Could I have done more? Was it mutual? Am I a fool for crushing on someone that doesn’t even know me?
Dwelling in regret is not the answer. So how can one get closure? How can one get over someone they never dated? Well… Maybe by letting it go and moving forward? Yeah, yeah… but how can we do that? First and foremost, you have to make up your mind whether you want to close the romantic door on this person or not. What do I mean? Have you considered the possibility of walking into that person and telling them how you feel? If you don’t have the guts to do so, then I would suggest you to close that “door”. At this point, it doesn’t really matter how he/she has smiled at you during that one party or you caught him/her staring at your body… If you don’t have the balls to make something happen, and he/she hasn’t made any clear moves on you — it’s time to let it go.
Now for those who want to move forward, here’s a couple of thoughts that might help you to get some internal closure.
Honestly, that person was never really yours.
If you stop to think for a second, it’s pretty ludicrous to “break up” with someone that you never dated. Everything that you’ve experienced so far is mainly a result of your imagination. Let’s be real, does that person even knows that you exist?
If it didn’t happen by now, it’s probably never going to happen.
Sometimes, certain things are just not meant to be. You two are not together, because the “universe” didn’t want it so. Try to think about it in a positive light. Maybe not being with that person has led you to chase other great things in life.
If you didn’t make a move, you didn’t want that person bad enough.
Right? I mean if you really wanted that person, you would’ve made a “move”. When you feel hungry, you look for food. Right? It’s no different in the dating world. When you really want something, you’ll take proactive steps towards it. Thinking about that person every other night and wishing they could hear your thoughts does not count as “move”.
You didn’t “love” that person, you loved the idea of that person.
Honestly, how much do you know about this person? Most of the times, when we fantasize about people, we are not really looking at them. We are infatuated with an idea, their potential but not the real person.
In the end, just remember everything in life is temporary. Therefore, if you are feeling miserable because you’re trying to get over someone, remember it’s temporary. In addition, don’t think about it as a missed opportunity. You didn’t let someone good go, that person was never in your life. Don’t get stuck in the past. You won’t be able to move forward if you keep looking behind. Therefore, embrace yourself and things will get better.