Do you have high standards when it comes to dating and relationships? These type of questions are the reason why I love meeting up with old friends. You know there’s going to be openness for deep conversations. So… I met with this old friend of mine and out of nowhere he told me that he’s giving up on love. And as a good friend, I told him the usual: “no, don’t give up, you’ll find someone…” As the conversation progressed, he started showing me some old messages. Here’s where things start to get ridiculous. The same guy that told me he’s giving up on love is complaining how unattractive the girls that approach him are. Yeah, he said that. Can you believe it? And of course, I was like: aren’t you setting your standards a little bit too high? He answered me with an assertive “no”.
Being Picky vs. Being Worthy
Now… I believe there’s a difference between being picky and knowing your worth. In my opinion, being picky is about looking into the small things and ignoring the big picture. Let’s be honest, we all have a “type”. So… imagine the following scenario: your potential date/lover is really the embodiment of your personal preferences but you found a flaw. What do you do? As I see it, there are no such thing as perfection. In addition, one needs to carefully consider how bad the flaw is. If that one flaw overrides all the other good things in that person, then it’s time to let it go. On the other hand, knowing your worth is a totally different mindset. It’s about searching for someone that can match your level of awesomeness. Therefore, if you are truly an awesome person, then you should settle for someone as awesome as you.
Finding Your Match
One thing that friends might hold back while discussing with you your personal dating standards is how realistic are they. Here’s the thing, I love my friends, there’s a reason why they belong to my circle of “special people”. However, I also know their “flaws”. Some people say “opposites attract”, but I believe that only happens when two people are open to respect their differences. Most of the times, people that are too different tend to bump heads. That’s the reason why we tend to feel attracted to people that look like us. Therefore, if you are looking for the athletic type of “candidate”, you need to be pretty fit as well. If you are looking for people with really nice facial features (pretty face), your canvas needs to match the demands too. Couples that “make sense”, that’s what you two need to be.
Listen, I’m not trying to bash couples that have different levels of attractiveness. No, indeed more power to them. But let’s be real, they do not belong to the norm. What I’m trying to preach here is: “you get, what you give”. If you’re a pretty amazing person, then it’s realistic for you to search for another amazing person as well. If you’re an aesthetically pleasing person, that means you have options. However, don’t act so surprised when you aim for someone that doesn’t match your level (personality or looks) and don’t get what you were looking for.
5 Signs Your Dating Standards Might Be Too High
For those who are still unsure, I’ve prepared a small list to help you figure it out. Therefore, if you see yourself often in the following situations, chances are that your standards might be indeed too high.
You have a “must-have list”. According to this check-list your future partner needs to possess a very specific set of physical and emotional attributes, otherwise, they aren’t going to be considered.
You couldn’t get over “this one thing”. So… you’ve met the most wonderful person, but you ended up calling it quits because there’s this one thing you couldn’t get over. A small bad habit, something that person said or a minor unattractive physical element…
You have an ideal couple in your head. In every relationship, you’ve tried to emulate a certain couple or compared yourself to them. If you had to choose between being a relationship that doesn’t meet your standards or being single, you would probably choose the latter.
You have a “zero-tolerance policy” against mistakes. Unfortunately, there’s not much room for your partners to make mistakes. “If they don’t get it by now, they never will”. Right? In your world, relationships are supposed to be hassle-free.
You are extremely focused on their marriage potential. That’s right, you are not fooling around. You’re looking for the “one and only”. If they are not “marriage material”, then forget about “courtship”. They are out.
As I said before, there’s nothing wrong with having “standards”. However, if you often find yourself in the situations described above and you are wondering why you’re still single… Well, you are probably being too picky. Here’s the deal, you’ll never find someone that meets all of your personal requirements. Piece of advice? Look at the bigger picture: do the “pros” outweigh the “cons”? If “yes”, then try to give that person a chance to pursue you… “Life is like a box of of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.” Think about it…